Sarah S

Not everyone on the street is a male. There are plenty of homeless girls and women out there as well. I met Sarah during a recent visit to Los Angeles. I basically skipped out on a seminar I went down there to attend, for a couple reasons that I won't get into here. As soon as I left, I decided to go try to get an interview. I was near the Staples Center, in downtown L.A. It was a beautiful day. I walked a couple blocks and saw a drug deal in broad daylight, but no homeless people, so I went back to get my truck from parking and drove down the street. Before long I came to an area that looked promising; L.A.'s "Fashion District." This is mostly warehouse after warehouse filled with clothes, stuffed toys, trinkets and the like, with storefronts. I saw some interesting looking people, some of whom were having "internal dialogues", but not what I was hoping to find. In fact, it appeared a bit too safe, with some freaky-looking folks about, but a lot of normal ones as well, particuarly as the morning wore on. I drove to another area and walked around a while with the same results. Who knew it would be so hard to find the homeless in LA? After an hour or so, I bought some lunch (the only cheap place I found in three days in LA) and headed back towards my truck to eat and consult my map. When I was sitting there looking at my map, a guy walked by twice, hesitated and then tapped on my window. I rolled it down and greeted him.

"Are you lost?", he asked. I took this as a good sign that I was in the right area.

I explained what I was doing and learned that he was in his early 50's, recently laid off from Federal Express and homeless. He lives in the area. He appeared willing to talk to me, but since he did not fit my profile and I was anxious to talk to someone who did, I did not take the time to formally interview him. However, he did say that on Friday and Saturday nights the place I sat is alive with runaways, many of whom get picked up by people in expensive cars. He seemed surprised by what he had seen, being recently homeless himself. He also said that there was a trendous amount of mental sickness among the homeless. Since I had walked around a bit, I could concur. It was a pleasant conversation, even though the subject matter was disturbing. I gave him some lunch, he gratefully took it and I sat for a while, thinking about what he had said. I felt prompted to get out of my truck once more and walk down the street I was parked on. As I did so, I came to a homeless shelter. A near-toothless man came to me and asked if he could help me. I told him my story. Apparently he was one of the operators of this homeless shelter and he was only too glad to help. We talked for a while, he offered a prayer and I went back to my truck to call the shelter he had mentioned, a homeless ministry for youth called simply, "Hope For Homeless Youth". I called but was unable to get Pastor Clayton, the man who runs it. I felt odd, talking to a secretary who doesn't know me at all, asking if she knew where I could find some homeless kids in light of the fact that they are a main diet of sick sexual predators, but that's what I have to do sometimes. I did get the address of the shelter however, and determined to drive to the area and see what I could see. I also left my number in case Pastor Clayton returned.

This time I really got lost.

As I drove around in the maddening traffic, I saw a policeman who was in the process of impounding a young man's vehicle. He was amused by my request but directed me to the (in)famous Sunset Strip, not far away. It was now mid-afternoon, but I finally arrived in an area with a homeless young person or two. This interview is the second one of two I conducted that afternoon. I guess I told you that "how I got the interview" story so you can see it's not always easy to find these kids!

As you read this interview, keep a couple things in mind. First, that Sarah left her home when she was 11. Some of the reasons she lists for leaving are exactly what an 11-year old would say if asked why she left home. I don't doubt that Sarah has not matured much emotionally or mentally since she left home, although she was pleasant and polite. But again, we have an individual that is on the street because of some pretty horriffic scenes from her home life. I know there are two sides to every story, but...well, you'll just have to read for yourself. Also again, I am amazed at the desire these people have for their families, disfunctional as they are. She has hope to normalize her life, although she knows she has to go through some pretty serious change first, including it seems, prison time in San Francisco. Finally, she unwittingly gave a bit of a plug for the "3-Strikes You're Out" legislation that is on the books in many areas. Your local politician might like that.

By the way, if you are offended by "four-letter words", you might want to skip this one. There aren't too many, but a few. I am torn by my own efforts to curb the use of offensive language in my own life, so typing those words seems like the wrong thing to do. However, I also feel it is important to remain true in as many ways as possible to their own words, so type them I will. At least until my industrial-strength conscience gets the best of me!

NOTE: Pastor Clayton called me a day or two after I got back home. We had a nice conversation. It appears that he is doing a great work down there. One of the projects he has coming up is a Christmas Party for the youth in his shelter. He needs $3,000 to make it happen. If you want to help, contact him through his website: www.hopeforhomelessyouth.org. Make sure you tell him where you heard of him!

Here's the actual interview:
I met Sarah in Los Angeles, near the Sunset strip. I was uncertain at first if she was a male or female; her blocky shape and square-ish face coupled with lifeless eyes made me wonder. She was holding a sign that said, “No Excuses Just Need Help.” She was filty, with dirt all over her neck and arms. I'm certain she had not bathed in weeks. I asked her if I could take her away from her busy corner if I gave her $10 for her time to ask her some questions about her life. She hesitated for a moment and then said it was okay, but she’d have to clear it with her boyfriend first, which she did. When she returned, I told her that I was going to ask some questions and that she did not have to respond, but if she did I wanted the whole truth. She agreed and we sat on a curb on sunny Hollywood Boulevard and had a nice conversation for a few minutes.

What’s your name?
Sarah.

Last initial?
S.

What’s your age?
I’m 19.

Where is your hometown?
I was born in Portland, Oregon and I’ve been in San Francisco for the last three years.

Are you homeless? Yeah.

Do you sleep outside then?
Yeah, I sleep wherever I lay my head (laughs).

And how long have you been homeless?
I’ve been homeless for about eight years.

Tell me about your family.
Um, my mom and dad, they got divorced when I was six. My dad was really abusive.

Abusive towards you?
No, just my mom and my brother. I started running away when I was 10 and 11 and my mom couldn’t handle it so she kicked me out.

Are you in contact with them at all?
No. I haven’t talked to them for three or four years.

Are they still in Oregon, do you know?
Yeah.

Are you in a situation where you could call them if you absolutely had to have some help of some kind, or are you completely separated from them?
I’m completely separated from them. Like maybe if I got my shit together and start taking responsibility, you know, and have something they can see, like I’m doing good for myself, then maybe I can have them back in my life.

What does “get your shit” together mean to you?
Just like stop playing around and stuff, like, instead of being out here on the streets and like, go back to school and get a job and stuff.

What grade level are you at?
Seventh.

You left school in seventh grade?
Yeah.

What made you run away when you were so young?
I just hanged out with older people, I guess…I wanted more responsibility I guess, thinking I could take care of myself. My family life was really chaotic. And…I also got involved in a relationship that was a lot older than me.

How much older?
I was 11 and he was 27. And um, he had a place and so, like it was ok I could go over with him.

And where is he now?
In Oregon somewhere I guess.

I’m going to ask you a question. If you don’t want to answer it, you don’t have to answer, just say, “I don’t want to answer”. But if you do answer, I need you to tell me the whole truth if you do answer it, ok?
OK.

Do you use drugs?
Yes.

Any hard drugs, like heroin –
Yeah.

Or meth?
Uh, I haven’t done meth for a while. Years.

Are drugs hard to get on the street out here?
You just got to know where to go and stuff. Pretty much where there’s a bunch of homeless people around…

Then there’s going to be drugs there?
Probably.

What have you seen on the street that’s surprised you? I mean, you’ve been on the street for eight years.
Actually, just like, stuff that’s scared me. Stuff like that. Like, when I first came to LA. I was sleeping with my boyfriend and some guy, like, in the middle of my sleep, fuckin’ started touching me and shit like that. I was really…that really scared me.

I would imagine. What happened to that guy?
My boyfriend chased after him and, like I had to get my boyfriend ‘cause he was going to kill him or something. (Pause) And, like, pretty much you’ve seen it – I’ve seen guns, I’ve seen people OD…I’ve never seen anybody get murdered or anything like that, but I’ve seen people get hurt really bad though. And it’s like - I can’t believe someone could just do that out of… just do that.

Do you feel like you’re going to be able, Sarah, at some point, to get off the street? Is that something that you want to do eventually?
Yeah, it’s something I want to do. And like, right now I’m going through a hard situation 'cause I’m, uh, on Prop 36 and Prop 36 here in LA is for drug offenders and it’s a program for them to get their shit together, and you’re on probation and shit like that. And it’s really hard for me ‘cause I want to give up the drugs and stuff like that, but my boyfriend’s doing it; it’s around me. Like, this is the chance for me to get my shit together and I’m having a hard time with it ‘cause I’m not used to it.

So do you feel like you’re in a situation where you’re suffering from withdrawals right now, or are you not even able to stop long enough to get withdrawals?
(Chuckles) I go through withdrawals but I can’t, like…‘cause it’s around me all the time, so it’s like, I don’t have to go through withdrawals. And it’s like, I’m going through a hard time ‘cause it’s like, my mind right now it’s just like, I’ll just run from it and… but then the other part of me is like, I know it’s going to catch up to me and I only get two, three times on this program and then I go to prison and that’s like, something I’m not going for.

What’s Prop 36? Is that, like a “three strikes you’re out” kind of thing?
Yeah.

Is that motivating you at all? Is that motivating you to want to get clean?
Yeah, yeah, it does, and it’s also motivating my boyfriend, too, to, like, get on methadone.

Is he on methadone?
Not yet. Here they charge for methadone; in San Francisco it’s free.

I see. So, do you think you’ll get on it at some point?
I hope so.

So that’s what you’d like to do then – get on methadone and try to get off heroin then?
Yeah. And that’s one thing right now that me and my boyfriend are talking about – is that, we go to San Francisco. And, I know if I go to San Francisco I’m going to have a warrant out for my arrest, but I get three turns, you know? And my boyfriend will be back in San Francisco where he’s from and be able to get on his methadone and be able to get a job and shit. And he said that… ‘cause we’re engaged… that, he’ll be able to get things going for us. So when I get done with my program and stuff, that, we’ll have a life and stuff. So…

That’s good! That’s a plan, right?
Yeah (brightens). It’s just really hard when, like, all I know is, like, wake up in the morning, lookin’ for my hit, or food, like, kind of like my routine is. And then unexpected stuff like, well, if I don’t do anything today what’s gonna happen tomorrow? Like, when I go see my P.O. (parole officer), what kind of stuff is he gonna tell me I have to go do, or what new program am I gonna do and stuff like that.

Her boyfriend, a rather handsome red-haired man in his early 20’s, approaches and hands her a new sign identical to her old one.
Here’s your boyfriend now. How’s it, man? My name’s Eric!
My name’s Mitch. (We shake hands. It looks like he’s trying to size me up a bit, maybe trying to ascertain what I’m really doing here.)

Nice to meet you, Mitch.
You too. (He smiles pleasantly and, seemingly satisfied, walks away)

A new sign!
It’s nice (smile). Yeah, that old one was lookin’ pretty bad.

So, as I explained, I am going to put this interview online. Is there anything you would tell people - is there any advice you could give the world, anyone that’s going to read this interview, what would you say?
(Looks confused).

Let me rephrase that.
(Chuckles).

What would you tell an 11 year old girl? If you could look back and talk to yourself as an 11 year old girl, what would you say?
Hmm…(long pause). Just that, your parents are just lookin’ out for you and you might think you know everything, and you might be more responsible than your parents or your family, but you need your family. And once you go one the streets it’s really hard to get your stuff together. Like, there’s people that have been out here for years and their chances are all gone, done, because they don’t have any programs for people that are over a certain age.

You mentioned that an eleven-year old can be more responsible than their parents; was that the case for you when you ran?
Yeah.

How were they that irresponsible?
It was just like, my mom… I have a brother and my mom put a lot of responsibility on me to take care of my brother. I mean, we were only 15 months apart but still, like, I had to make sure he went to school, I had to make sure he ate, I made dinner and stuff like that. I had to like, clean my own room and help him clean his room and it was because my mom would be like, “he is the only boy in four generations, he needs to be spoiled”. And there was a lot of abuse ‘cause, my brother and I would fight and so I would get in trouble with my mom and she would like, take it all out on me and not my brother. My mom was physically abusive to me and, like, sexually abusive a little bit.

Your mom?
It was more like, I don’t know like, sadistic kinds of stuff.

That sounds pretty horrific for a little girl to go through. Was your dad abusive?
No, he wasn’t, not to me. (Goes back to the previous question) Yeah…well…I don’t know if it was really sexually abusive, like, she would take clothes pins, right? And, like, she’d stick them all over my body and stuff. And like, my mom, she’d have porn stuff all over the computers and shit like that and guys comin’ over all the time.

Sounds pretty tough.
I guess I grew up around sex at a young age and maybe that’s what made me run away. Because when I was with that guy I was like, “I’m in love”, you know.

Yeah. Well, thanks for your candor, Sarah. Thanks for being so honest about your life.
That’s cool.

Maybe it will help someone who’ll read it.
Yeah, I’ve maybe given them an eye opener about what’s happening out here and stuff.

You know, I’ve been dong this a few years and I’ve heard some hard stories and yours is one of them. I think you can pull out, though.
Thank you. That’s nice to hear. All my P.O. tells me is that I’ll never make it, so it’s, like, nice to hear someone say that.