Anthony D, Portland, Oregon

This young man was very interesting. Although I have a stock set of questions, I seldom get through them all - the stories these young people tell make the interviews kind of take on a life of their own. Anthony really illustrates to me the power of the maternal relationship. You'll see why as well. Suffice it to say that his mom won't be winning any "mother of the year" awards, yet he holds her in the highest esteem. He also is grateful - to the point of tears - for the "normal" things he "gets" to do now that he's not as homeless as he once was, like getting a haircut. Finally, we get to see the power of a true Good Samaritan - may we all learn from her example.

Please feel free to comment!
Eric

Anthony D. was at Pioneer Square at about 9:30 am on a Saturday morning. He was talking to a security guard on the steps so we approached him. He is about 5’10”, white kid with short hair. He looked like any other young man you might see. He looks younger than his 23 years due to his beardless face, clear skin and ruddy countenance. He wore two stylish sweatshirts, a blue Ecko over a red one. We would later find out that these were well used. He wore a cap, with baggy pants and skater shoes. His eyes were clear, and although he spoke with a determined drawl and tended to jump from topic to topic rather quickly, he seemed intelligent, well spoken and polite.

Interview Date: Portland, Oregon March 10, 2007
Location: Pioneer Square, about 10:00 am
Weather: Overcast
Subject: Anthony D, 23 years old.

Where is your hometown?
I was born in Klamath Falls, but I consider Portland to be my hometown now. I’ve lived in Portland for the past approximately 16 years, so…

So your family still lives in Klamath Falls?
My aunt died of a heroin overdose 3 years ago. I had two cousins that went into some kind of foster home a couple years ago, and they got split up. One of my brothers just got back from Iraq last year. He’s in Medford, and my mom is homeless in Medford. But as far as I know, she’s supposed to be coming up here because her boyfriend got a big social security check and he left her. I mean, the last time we lived together I was a younger teenager. I started using drugs when I was 14. Me and my mom would use together.

Your Mom gave you drugs first?
Yes.

Wow. Do you have a father figure in your life?
No.

What’s your education level?
I have a GED. I got it when I was 16. But I’m in college part time now. I have a lot of problems. I had a friend that was in a gang (I think explaining here why he has a GED instead of a diploma). My friend Ren was hit in the head with a bottle and shot in the head with a .22 and they found his body by the Parkrose district. That was pretty shocking. These were the same guys that were going to my school, and I found out that they didn’t like me either, so for my personal safety they removed me from school. So I went to Job Corp and I graduated from there, which was a very big accomplishment. I studied a business course, business clerical, business technology. I came back and I worked for a while, but after my mom left, she left me here when I was 18 almost 19 because she was getting really heavy into drugs and she couldn’t support her drug habit. She ended up choosing her drug habit over the rent, bills and everything; we lost everything, and I ended up living out on the street. Basically I met a guy named C. that I had went to Job Corp with actually, and he had already been living on the streets at least a couple years. He was using lots of heroin and cocaine and injecting it. He looked terrible. (I remember the awe on his face when he said this. That awe will be more significant when we learn how bad Anthony finally got before he got clean). I was already strung out myself, so me and him decided that we wanted to try to get clean so we went to Hooper Detox and I stayed in there 4 days but I got too sick to stay in there and I couldn’t handle it. I was so sick. Heroin withdrawal; it feels like you’re in a lot of pain. You shiver, you’re weak, you pour sweat, I mean you practically live on the toilet. Since I was only able to handle withdrawals for 4 days, I came out and I used for a little bit longer and then I started injecting instead of smoking the heroin. So instead of my habit getting better it got worse. I went into a seven or eight month spiral down and I hit rock bottom.

How did you know when you hit bottom?
I had nothing. My clothes were dirty, I stunk – I hadn’t taken a shower for probably two months.

Do you remember a day specifically when you felt things had to change?
Yeah. I went to Providence Hospital. They wouldn’t take me at first – I had to tell them that if they let me back out the doors I was just going to end my life. I was so tired of being in that place – suffering every morning…I mean. I was practically on my knees to these drug dealers I was so strung out because it’s so painful to withdrawal from. So that’s why they came out with Methadone clinics, to ease the withdrawal symptoms.

You’re in one now?
Yeah, I just came from one I go each day. (Pulls out a small white vial full of pink liquid with a prescription on it). I drink one of these per day. There’s a stigma about methadone clinics. I mean, they judge you and they have no education on it.

He pauses here and pulls out a hand-rolled cigarette.
“I’m going to smoke a cigarette if you don’t mind.”

At this I move back since I was slightly downwind from him. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression so I told him it was no problem, I was simply allergic.
“You are? Oh, okay then.”

Even though I protested that it was fine, and it really would have been, he politely held that cigarette and the lighter in his hand the remainder of our interview.
When I hit rock bottom, I couldn’t get a hold of my mom or nobody, but I happened to find out where she was because she was calling around – she called my ex-girlfriend’s house. We lived together a long time. She was not a user, but she knew that I was. When she found out that my aunt died, I was getting ready to turn 21. She came out, found me at Lloyd Center Park and told me of the death of my aunt of the overdose. That’s when I hit rock bottom. I weighed about 115 pounds. Now I weigh about 165. That’s when I went to Providence Hospital. Now I have these scars. (Lifts his sweatshirts to show silver-dollar sized smooth scars on his left arm and permanent track marks). I mean, the last time I injected, I must have been doing it 15 times a day. The doctor at Providence said I had two months left to live since my veins were about to collapse because of all the damage. The biggest scar came from some bad heroin – it had rat feces in it or something so it got all infected.

Pointing to another scar on the bottom of his arm just above his right elbow, he says, “I got this scar when I got stabbed. I was camping behind a church 2 summers ago. A black guy tried to rob me. I didn’t have anything, so he tried to kill me. He pulled out a knife and I immediately dove to the ground. He tried to stab me and some people looked out their windows. I was kind of across the street from an apartment complex and they saw the guy and they yelled at me and finally some lady came out and hit him with a 2x4 and saved my life. That wound was really deep – it almost went through my whole arm.

The police, they treat you like crap when you’re homeless. I mean, not all of them but some of them. That’s why I tried not to sleep downtown, but I did if I had to because there is space and it’s pretty safe there. I’d get a friend and we’d go to the waterfront park and sleep there sometimes.

Whom do you admire most in your life?
I admire my mom, for actually being able to raise me and deal with all the problems she’s had in her life. And all the people that have died around us, and she’s still managed to stay strong and be there most of the times that I’ve needed her. When the doc told me I had two months left to live, they (Providence Hospital) bought me a bus ticket to wherever I wanted to go and I told them I wanted to go see my mom because I knew that she would know what to do to save my life. They knew that I needed to get away from the drugs. I’m really grateful they did that. Very grateful.

Is that when you stopped being homeless?
Not completely, but she took me in for about 5-6 months to get me to recuperate. She got me onto the Jackson Co. health by telling them that I was a “suicide user” because of how many times I was injecting a day. They said I was chasing that feeling of how I thought I should feel. I couldn’t feel it though, since my body was so messed up the drug was only making me feel normal, and without it would just feel sick. It was almost worthless. I found out that the counselor paid for my treatment for that whole 8 months that I was there. I was suicidal, too. The Oregon Health Plan really helped me out by helping pay for that. I have really been helped out. I’ve had some people outside that have really been there for me. Jackson County has really helped me too. After the 6 months I got back here. I took the Greyhound back and forth a couple times. I stayed with my brother Chris (the brother that served in Iraq) because I didn’t have anywhere else to stay. So I stayed there for about 16 days. We were about 17 miles from where he had to take me every morning to get my medicine. I really look up to him, too. He was so strong during our childhood. We were all separated during our childhood because our parents sold cocaine and heroin. My brother J. moved up here and he’s up here and he started going downhill and he and I were homeless together for a while, so my mom gave us a whole bunch of pot to sell. That sells like candy. Me and my friend decided to sell it and get a place to stay, at a hotel or at someone’s house. We ended up staying with a friend but still we were still going house-to-house, couch hopping. Sometimes I knew the people and sometimes I didn’t. One place I went, they were cooking meth and I got out of there because I was scared. I got a lot of info from my friends and I started thinking what would happen if the police came and kicked in the door? I would go to jail too because I know what they were doing.

Another time the police approached me. They saw me going in and out of the methadone clinic and they came up and offered me $200 for every person I turned in that was selling crack cocaine since they knew that I knew. I told them, “Does it look like I want to have a target on my forehead?” and I told them no. I mean, I read in this morning’s paper about some girl that had been shot because she testified against a guy that had robbed her with a pistol on 122nd. And they caught him on the 17th of January because he was in connection with a robbery because he robbed the Blockbuster Video. About 10 guys went in there, this guy pulled a gun and they just cleaned the place out. So this girl testified against this guy and he killed her. There are so many stories like this. I mean, they’re just ruthless. Not only this other stuff, but they’ll take your blankets, they’ll take anything you leave behind.

What’s the biggest problem you face today?
I just want to make sure my future is secure. I just believe that nobody deserves to be homeless. I’m concerned about having a home. I’m not homeless anymore, but I still worry about it.

You have a place to stay right now?
Yeah, this lady who is a caregiver – her name is Molly- she’s taking care of his lady that has MS who is paralyzed from the waist down. When the lady dies she is going to give Molly the condo where we live now. She does stuff for me just like we’re a real family. My birthday was on the 8th and she remembered. I guess she does this stuff because she’s really religious – she’s a Catholic. She gave me these. (Tears come up as he pulls out rosary beads and a crucifix). The way I met her, I was sleeping on a bench over by the Gateway area in January. It was so cold I had my arms in my sweatshirts and I had my head down in my shirt – I had my hood on and everything. This was when I didn’t have a haircut or anything, either. Now I get to do some normal stuff like get a haircut. But she just told me she had some space in her place so I came home with here. I do a little maintenance work for her – I just feel like I have another chance now.

What are you going to do different now? What’s going to be different this time?
I enrolled at Mt. Hood 14-15 months ago. There were some problems getting in, but I found a way to do it. I want to study law maybe, or maybe be a counselor. I want to be able to be in a position where I can use my experiences to help people. I want to make a positive difference somehow. There was a girl that I really wanted to save, and she ended up dying. She had so many track marks from heroin, and she ended up dying. I have now 12 friends that have died from suicide, violence and drugs. The majority were overdoses.

Do you consider yourself a spiritual person?
I believe that God…the condition I’m in now, there’s no way I could have done that without some God’s help. I mean, I’m really healthy now. I gained 40 pounds in a month. I feel strong enough to say no to the drugs. The methadone helps a lot (goes into detail about how methadone physically helps and how heroin keeps you addicted). I have two arrests, thefts, on my record from being homeless. The cops had me on video running across the street from Lloyd Center to my dealer with clothes I had just ripped off. They didn’t want me, they wanted my friend K. really bad because he was a habitual offender and he was getting real bad and becoming a hit man. I never saw anything from him, but I did see a stabbing once a long time ago. This one guy stabbed another guy in the arm and blood was just shooting out. Another time I was walking with my friend and out of no where he whips out a knife, pulls this Mexican towards him and tells him to spit out all his drugs – he had them in balloons in his mouth - and give him his wallet. The Mexican guy started struggling and threw his wallet on the ground and I just got out of there. I didn’t want to be a part of any of that.

Do you see prostitution going on?
Yeah. There’s like guy predators. I got picked up by this guy predator once. He let me sleep in the sleeper and he slept in the front of the semi-truck. He ended up trying to put his hands in my pants. I got up and I acted like I just didn’t know what just happened and I got my stuff and I told him that I’d be right back and I left and called the cops. I called the trucking company, too. But the sexual predators come down here and they prey on homeless. This happens a lot. A lot. They look for vulnerable kids that don’t have a place to stay; they’re hooked on drugs. They use their weakness against them. They say ‘I’ll make you well if you give me sexual favors.’ They prey on boys, girls – it doesn’t matter. Prostitution happens a lot. I lived with three prostitutes once. They would bring a lot of heroin home at the end of the day.

Do you have hobbies?
Yes, I like video games, playing basketball, I like electronics, playing football…did I mention video games? I like to go to the park, watch TV sometimes. I like to research all kinds of different things. I like to learn, so I get on the internet and research things sometimes.

Youth Stories - What Is It?

Hi. My name is Eric. I'm what lots of young people would call an "old guy", since I'm in my early 40's. I have to tell you, I couldn't agree more. It's amazing how a person ages - you get to keep lots of the same things you loved as a kid, but your body feels different. But this blog isn't about me, nor is it really about the aging process. It's really more about the critical years of a person's life between the ages of about 14 and 24, and what's happening to many people in that age group from which you usually avert your eyes; the pierced, tattooed, unkempt, obnoxious sleepers-in-doorways of our cities.

Let me tell you a bit about this blog and why I am writing it. About 5 years ago, I was observing some fairly obnoxious young people like those I mentioned above in my (then) home town of Salem, Oregon. I thought to myself, "What makes those kids act like that? Do they have parents that care about them? What are their stories?" I also noticed that many people looked down on them, cursed them and were afraid of them. I'd even caught myself feeling that way at times. Since I am one who has learned to say, "there but for the grace of God go I," I decided to act. I bought a digital tape recorder and thought up about 15 questions, intending to start interviewing youth of all types, just to see what makes them tick. The first dozen or so youth I interviewed were homeless or nearly so and had such compelling, heartbreaking stories I haven't interviewed any youth from what I'd call "well-to-do" or even "middle class" homes. After all, I have those in my own home. I am more interested at this time in finding out what I can do and what can society do to assist those people whose first and most egregious sin in life apparently was to be born to irresponsible parents, who are unable to love them and care for them, or were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or a combination of the above. Don't misunderstand me; I am not one of those that feels that we can blame all our missteps on our parents, our situations into which we are born, or any external event or force. We are what we make of ourselves and no one is immune from problems. But let me assure you that as you read these stories (which I will post monthly near the 15th), you will feel for these youth and hopefully thank your own parents for providing you with a better start (presumably) than the bulk of these kids. Anything can happen to anyone. The wealthiest family can be destitute in a day - another reason to to be careful about how you treat someone unlike yourself. Because "there but for the grace of God" ... go ALL OF US.

Unfortunately, the bulk of the interviews I had done were ripped off (they were in a backpack), so I've had to start over. I will post one per month for the next twelve months. I am headed down to LA next week for a seminar and I hope to pick up a couple interviews there. My final goal is to one day make this into a book similar in style to Studs Terkel's classic, "Working". But if not, if reading these stories makes my readers more compassionate towards these invisible siblings of ours, I'll be happy.

One final note. Since I do hope to publish these interviews in book form, please post comments to this page so they can be read by possible future publishers. I would assume that the greater interest I can show for these young people through your comments, the greater chance we have of getting these published! If I do get this published, I hope to continue to raise awareness and to eventually create and operate an environment for those that wish to get off the streets similar to Mammas Hands, a privately run shelter near Seattle. Visit them at http://www.mammashands.com/. Their story is truly amazing.

Eric

Bend, Oregon